As
I noted in this week’s FLD, Delaware Delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. (D) wrote
a letter to the owner of the Baltimore Ravens demanding that Ravens
linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo be censored for speaking in favor of same-sex
marriage.
In
response Chris Kluwe (Minnesota Vikings punter) wrote a letter to Burns. I was going to excerpt
Kluwe's statement below, but after reading it I felt it would be a disservice
to the level of awesome he brought. It deserves to be read
in its full glory. Please enjoy.
Dear
Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I
find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state
government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to
think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The
views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I
will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with
the longer words):
1.
As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you
that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals
with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By
using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents
so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens
should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more
specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First
Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth
would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such
as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own
religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow
justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical
would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical
starts to approach it a little bit.
2.
"Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in
a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy
fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's
"deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in
Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As
recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with
by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right
thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a
sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be
coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your
brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous
statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives
you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").
3.
This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do
you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be
happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act
different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect
your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden
you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed.
Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends
suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs?
(Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)
I
can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your
life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't
magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the
government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they
have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights
like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave
to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You
know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens
just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that
entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely
nothing to you?
In
closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes
you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you
so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something
he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might
need it.
Sincerely,
Chris
Kluwe
P.S.
I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take
your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is
doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy
piehole and choke on it. Asshole.
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