The Theological Institute of Theism (TIT) recently issued a
report regarding the state of the atheist community. The report, The State of the Atheist Subculture, is
the result of countless hours spent studying one of the fastest growing and
vibrant social groups. Research methods included in-depth interviews, surveys,
field studies – where researchers engaged in godless activities and directly
observed their subjects, and a series of experiments. The results of this cutting edge research will
undoubtedly ruffle feathers and be the cause of much “harrumphing” amongst the academic community for years to come.
“The State of the Atheist
Subculture will not only ruffle feathers, but cause many of our
scholarly associates to clear their throats quite a few times and be the cause
of many a forehead to be rubbed in dismay.” – Professor Kenneth Canard of TIT
Here are excerpts from the research paper.
Categories
of Atheists
The godless community has grown exponentially over the past
few years. And like any other community it has experienced a number of schisms
where one group divides into two or more. Several distinct groups of the
godless were discerned by the team.
Catholic Atheists
“Catholic” is meant to be understood in its common as well
as not so common meaning. These Catholic Atheists are a group that has been
organized into a hierarchal manner with a definite leader (i.e., Atheist Pope),
a College of “Cardinals”, priests and laymen. This sect also claims itself to
be “catholic” in the other sense of the word: it is the universal representative
of the one true reality. All other atheist subcultures are simply irritating
distractions to the teachings of the CAD (Catholic Atheist Dogma). Researchers have found that Freethought Blogs
(FtB), with its spiritual papa (Pope) PZ Meyers, encompasses the term catholic
in both usages.
Orthodox Atheists
Another atheist subgroup is the Orthodox. Just as the
Christian Orthodox Church split from the Catholic over the issue of the nature
of the Trinity, the Great Godless Schisms occurred due to disagreements in
doctrine. The First Great Godless Schism happened when John Loftus, of
Debunking Christianity, left the Catholic fold because the Church (FtB) wasn’t
focused on reaching out to Christians. The Second Great Godless Schism tragedy
occurred when Thunderf00t, the popular video blogger, disagreed with the
Catholic teachings of feminism. As was the case in the breakup of the
Catholic/Orthodox Christian faiths, there is quite a bit of sniping between the
godless parties post-schisms.
Pentecostal Atheists
The Amazing Atheist, a charismatic video blogger, offers his
followers what Pentecostal ministers offer theirs: an entertaining show. Much like Pentecostals, the Amazing Atheist
appears to be filled with the Spirit, and at times speaking in comedic tongues
that no one can understand. His
emotional messages resonate strongly with his flock.
Unitarian Atheists
These are the peace loving, “Can’t we just get along?” godless
who typically frequent Hemant Mehta’s
blog, The Friendly Atheist and vjack’s Atheist Revolution. These Unitarians are
unified in fighting against faith-based inanity rather than spending time
reflecting upon the Kardashian-like bad behavior of prominent atheists.
However, much like the Unitarians of other faiths, they seem oblivious that
their message is often times ignored by the greater community due to the
popular draw of the Kardashian-like antics of other sects.
Non-Uber Politically Left
Leaning Atheists
This is a rare sect that constantly hovers close to the
point of extinction. They are a reclusive lot and not much is known about this
group because their atheist as well as political allies are confused by and
therefore want little to do with them. Penn and Teller head this subgroup, but
there is talk of Crusade against the magical duo and their flock by the Catholic,
Orthodox, and Pentecostal godless.
Absurdist Atheists
(AA)
These atheists are only liked by their peers when satirizing
the religious or other atheist sects (i.e., not their group). When a person’s sect becomes the butt of the
joke; baying, indignant cries rise up like, “I
liked your hoax about Richard Dawkins getting banned in Mississippi, but your
new stuff is offensive.” It has been
noted by the research team that absurdist atheists report that they are the
most self-amused out of all the godless.
Absurd Atheists do get agitated when confronted with the sad
fact that a particular joke or entire satirical piece is not funny. One AA
responded to criticism with, “Jesus
hopping Christ, just because you don’t know what the real Great Schism is doesn’t mean my joke referencing it sucks.”
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